Coaching covers a variety of areas and it helps to be aware of them all

Coaching can cover many different areas from sport to business and it is essential that you make yourself aware of coaching in general before you get involved in a single area. If you joined a sport in grade school you had a coach explain to you the rules and the best strategy to use to help win the game. In high school you had this same advantage, but once you reach the grown up world you may think you don't have this advantage anymore. This is not always true, there are coaches out there to help you be the best you possibly and this also applies to the business world as well. 

Over the years companies have realized that using coaches in the business world can make a big difference in their corporation. Coaches in the business world can really help, for example if you are an employee trying to get a head it can give you an advantage over other employees. If you are a supervisor who hires a coach for the employee you may be giving your company an advantage over other companies. Whichever way fits your needs it is a fact coaching can make an impact in the world of industry. 

Just because an offer from a coach sounds good, in reality it may not be the right one for you; therefore you need to be sure and check out all the information given to you before accepting an offer. Don?t accept the first offer that come to you, check out several choices, compare, and then choose. You are searching for a coach that can offer you the most help in the areas of business that you are concerned with, along with someone with a good reputation of proving themselves as an excellent coach. 

Accessing the web to look for a coach that would be right for you is probably the best way to find one. You are looking for a coach that makes you feel comfortable and relaxed; after all you do have to pay for their services. You cannot find a coach that will be perfect in every area, but you can come real close by searching online. Keep in mind that hiring a coach that comes as close to what you need, will benefit you the most. 

When you have chosen a coach and they have started to work for you, they will be able to see things that you may have overlooked. Because of this you may have to make some changes that you don?t feel comfortable with or don?t really understand. This is why it is important for you to trust the coach and let them make some changes to improve your business. A great coach will show you what can be accomplished in the future, by making changes now; you may have choices you never knew existed before. 

After you have gotten rid of some old habits and found newer better ones to use, you may find that you can accomplish anything you set out to do. Having a good coach will definitely help you to achieve this, even though it may seem hard at first letting another person tell you how to run your business. 

Many employees seem to accomplish more if they have a coach assisting them along the way; this is one good reason for an employer to hire a coach. Sometimes the employer may want to hire a coach to help them advance their skills of management even further than they already have. Whatever the reason for hiring a coach, either for the employer or the employee, the company will benefit from the added contribution. If you are employed at a company that does not provide a coach, you can always hire your own to help you improve and advance your career. 

After researching and finding the coach you feel is best for your company, you may want to use that same coach for yourself. This is why it may be a good idea to find one that is also qualified in the area of management. You can review a first hand evaluation of the coach?s ability, and know if he can improve your skills, helping you to accomplish your goals. Now that you are aware of the basics of coaching you can now proceed with ease into the are that most interests you.

Addiction to Thinking

Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.

Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Randall’s ego wounded self believed that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right thing to say. This is called “ruminating.” Ruminating is obsessively thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up with the “right” answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what addictions are all about.

In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into his head and analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since childhood, he couldn’t stay out of his head. As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to move into the spiritual connection he so desired.

The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.

It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Randall found that while he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn’t control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit.

Addiction to Blame

Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he didn’t know the answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he didn’t get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he couldn’t seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her.

As I explored various situations with Allen, it became apparent that he was not just blaming his wife. Allen was constantly blaming and judging himself. He would verbally beat himself up for mistakes, telling himself things like, “I’m such a jerk,” and would often say very negative things to himself, such as, “Things will never get any better,” or “I’m just a loser,” or “I’m a big disappointment to myself.” He would then feel angry and agitated as a result of abusing himself, but he never connected his anger with his self-judgment. Instead, he would dump his anger on his wife, or yell at other drivers on the freeway.

It became apparent to Allen that he would not be able to stop blaming his wife until he stopped blaming and judging himself. His addiction to blaming others was a direct result of his self-abuse.

The problem was that Allen had learned to be very self-indulgent regarding his thoughts. He let his thoughts run rampant, never stopping to discern whether or not what he was telling himself was the truth or was a lie. As a result, he was constantly allowing the wounded part of himself, his ego self, to be in charge. And this part of him was filled with all the lies he had learned in the 46 years of his life.

Allen was appalled when he realized that all his anger at others was really his anger at himself for abusing himself. He was projecting onto others what he was doing to himself. He saw that he was especially sensitive to others’ judgment because he was so judgmental of himself.

As we explored why Allen was so self-abusive, he realized that he believed that if he judged himself enough, he could have control over getting himself to do it “right.” He realized this wasn’t true by an experience he had playing tennis.

“I played last Wednesday and I was in a really good mood. I was just playing for the fun of it, rather than to play well, and I played my best game ever! The very next day I played worse than I have for a long time. I realized that, having done so well on Wednesday, I now wanted control over doing as well on Thursday. As soon as I tried to control it, I lost it.

I want to stop doing this, but I’ve been doing it my while life. How do I stop?”

Stopping any addiction is always a challenge. Changing our thought process is especially challenging. However, there is a process available, but it will work only when you really want to change. Changing from being self-abusive to self-loving has to become more important to you than continuing to try to control yourself through your self-judgments.

1. Pay attention to your feelings. Learn to be aware of when you are feeling angry, anxious, hurt, scared, guilty, shamed, depressed, and so on.

2. Make a conscious decision to learn about what you are telling yourself that is causing your pain, rather than ignoring it, turning to substance or process addictions, or continuing to abuse yourself.

3. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself that is causing me to feel badly?” Once you are aware of what you are telling yourself, ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I’m telling myself is the truth, or is it just something I’ve made up?” Then ask yourself, “What am I trying to control by telling myself this?”

4. Once you are aware that you are telling yourself a lie that is causing you to feel badly, and why you are telling it to yourself, ask the highest, wisest part of yourself, or ask an inner teacher or a spiritual source of guidance, “What is the truth?” When you sincerely want to know the truth, it will easily come to you.

5. Change your thinking, now telling yourself the truth.

6. Notice how you feel. Lies will always make you feel badly, while the truth brings inner peace. Any time you are not in peace, go through this process to discover what lie you are telling yourself. Eventually, with enough practice, you will be in truth and peace more and more of the time.